Black Friday Ride
It was cold, we had many incidents... a memorable ride indeed!
The very nice thing about this ride was that EVERYBODY was on a
freakbike — YAAY!! That's a beautiful thing
Pre-pre-departure at The Tardis
Limp Jimmy leaves work early to prepare a couple of his rides for
Chris and Red Rocko... everything was ready, then Split
Pea snaps her chain. Replacement chain is found and the circus
continues to the Sty...
Pre-departure: much mayhem and many beers at the Flying Pigsty
Nancy toiled much of the day in a disgruntled and progressively
drunken stupor, as many Rats who commited to being there to help
out didn't actually show up... nevertheless, in his true style,
he battled the odds and readied many Rat Steads in preparation for
the biggest turn-out of 'road-ready' RPOz bikes yet, and for the
greater beneifit of the Rat Patrol (thankfully, we don't have a
picture of this scene).
Rendezvous & departure...
Finally, 17 Rat Bikes arrive at the rendezvous point, up to an
Incident 1: SS Mitzie
pancakes yet another rear wheel. I think that makes about 10 pancaked
wheels now. Limp's large (yet purely for medicinal use) bottle of
90% proof Slivovich is put to good use as a couch bike jack (pictured
below), while the ever-spirited 2humpz rides back to the workshop
to procure another rear wheel. We finally decide to ditch the couch
bike in favour of a couple of tallbikes at a nearby house, so we
would have less chance of having any more mechanicals... famous
Incident 2: en-route
back to the Sty, we get pulled up by an un-marked Police car. The
cops were good natured and were really only concerned about our
safety. The conversation went something like this:
[cops] "Pull over, pull over" much
elevated arm-waving required to gain the attention of Limp Jimmy
on Disaster Area
[DA's Chinese Police bike-mounted light & siren unit]
EEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAW, EEEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAW!!!! WOOP-WOOP WOOOOOP!!!!
[cops] "We just saw a massive dark shape.
You don't have any lights on the back"
[Nancy] "Well actually officer, we do have
these gert-massive red flashing lights on back..."
[cops] "Look guys... you... you just can't
ride that... thing... it's an accident waiting to happen"
[Limp] "We've just come from from Edgars
(50m away) and we are only going to that house (30m away)..."
[cops] "I can smell alcohol on your breath,
you know you're not supposed to ride and drink?"
[Limp] "I just had a beer..." (kinda
stating the obvious)
[Limp slaps the cop's arm] "You know, it's
amphibious... see the paddle wheels?"
[bemused, bewildered cop] "Uuugh... what?!?"
[Limp] "We got some similar questions from
the water police!"
The well-meaning cops eventually give up and wish us health :)
Incident 3: by
the time Rat Patrol actually started to move off, we had our second
on-road mechanical: Jas's brand new trike (Black Death) fell victim
to real world physics on it's debut appearance. Not to worry, this
was going to be an AWSOME ride! The crew gathers 300m down the road
for Safety Stop beers at Corroboree Park.
Incident 4: as we finally move off once again,
2Humpz's rear tyre exploded after some tallbike gutter jumping.
Limp pulls out his expoded-tube repair equipment and fixes the large
hole, against the odds (while preaching the virtues of making your
own puncture repair patches to all in sundry).
someone pinched the tube while putting it back onto 2Humpz's new
(yet stupidly over-sized!!) solid metal wheel, so the tube had another
gaping hole... 2Humpz again leaves, this time to extract an old
tube from another bike at the workshop. 4 very strong men somehow
stretch the tyre back over the ridiculously-oversized wheel. More
than an hour after stopping in freezing conditions, we once again
set off with enough time for a rather blurry team photo as 2Humpz
does battle with the solid red wheel...
Scrujette finally meets the crew to make it an 18
freakbike ride :D
Journey to venue 2: the Polish Club
Chaos reigns as group splinters/races to the Polish
club through the icy night...
Slivovitch, apple vodka, scotch whiskey, beers (etc)
are consumed outside the Polish club. We really love parking next
to their "no bike parking sign"... they probably love
it too! We figure the sign is there in order to reserve parking
for freakbikes... which is fair enough.
Randoms discover the joy of riding tallbikes. Gel
does donuts on Black Death. More alcohol is consumed.
Journey to venue 3
All of a sudden, someone is talking about going somewhere,
next thing we know, we have marauded someone's house. We tried to
make a low-key entrance, but that didn't really work out... Instant
house party: just add Rats, Rafe, more beers, hard liquor and music
round the fire.
Incident 6: Limp
Jimmy says something to Charchie Brown Finger about getting some
"horizontal time", spews and passes out in the front garden.
He wakes half an hour later covered in ice, feeling cold. (below:
pic, ironically taken by Limp Jimmy)
Drunken disintegration and departure of Rat Patrol
from party. Slowest to react were Chris, Limp and Loose Brown (valiently
solo-piloting MGE), who
headed desperately for food. Chris departs food depot and heads
for home on Zed's Dead...
Incident 7: Chris is attacked by
4 lametards, demanding his phone, shiny helmet and chopper. He told
them "not", and warned them against proceeding any further
with their incredibly stupid idea. They didn't head the warning.
He fought back to retain his health, phone and helmet — but
they got the chopper.
Chris's report can been viewed here,
but let this ugly incident not distract us from our mission in Rat
life: to live, to love, to minimise waste, to create awareness,
positive change, and to be kind to ALL. Johnny
Payphone's words come to mind: "Kill them with kindness".
That's the only way.
Be well, Chris.
::::: GREAT RIDE, RATS :D