Pre-HistoryridesFArtOz RatsImmigration

Rat Patrol origins

Theory has it that Rat Patrol has a long and glorious history, which can be traced back to Adolph's Rat Brigade, of the late 19th century... that's right, around 1880. Yes, that is quite a while ago. The 'movement' seems to be a reaction at that time to the increasing dominance of the modern-style "safety" bicycle. Some of the earliest members of the club are profiled on the RPBC Speculative History page, and even features Johnny Payphone's great-great-great grandfather, Fletcher "Jaunty" Payphone. He does rather look the part too — what a cad!

March 2005

In March 2005, Rat Patrol's agressive international recruitment was directed at the continent of Australia and surrounding islands, where Scallywag sculls were reported to be making raids upon New Zealand. Disturbing reports from the bush included terrifying accounts of tallbike fire jousting between 'Wags and local press gangs (see right). Efforts were made immediately to quash this threat by establishing a base on the mainland, using 'volunteers' from the local penal colony.

June 2005

Two months later, Rat Patrol HQ received this encouraging correspondence via homing-rat:

G'day Johnny,

I'm sure the message has past to you via the troglodytes that a new infestation is in it's infancy in the penal colony of Oz. And if current trend data is anything to go by, the infestation should be reaching plague proportions in no time.

The swift rate of spread can be attributed to an incredibly infectious strain of rat bikes beginning to emerge in the Canberra region and their propensity to intrigue and bemuse bystanders. Bystanders seem unable to resist riding bikes when offered or when they can no longer resist asking for a ride, and once initial contact has been made, infection rates are in the magnitude of 97%.


Aside from the automobile, there are no other natural predators to rat bikes in these parts, a phenomenon common to introduced species in Australia. One only has to look at the success of other introduced species such as the common fluffy breedaholic rabbit; the prickly pear; the cunning mangy red fox; the beer swilling, gun toting, redneck; and of course the beautifully grotesque cane toad, to see the potential a rat infestation could have in this country.

The half-licked icing on the discarded slice of cake found in the parliamentary dumpster is that this infestation has propagated itself in the midst of our nation's capital. One theory is that the strain of rats have been feeding on the inordinate amounts of waste (some definitely radioactive, and all of it definitely stinky) emanating from our halls of parliament. This endless supply of freaky trash has given rise to a form of super rat, that some predict will swarm upon parliament and sign the Kyoto protocol on behalf of our inept politicians, and probably eat their carcasses while they're at it. This will serve to eliminate the rat's only real predator, the automobile, and then the rat (avec rat bike), will surely take it's place alongside other notorious infestors such as the cane toad.

Those Scallywags will be sorry they even considered an incursion onto Antipodean soil. Don't know what they were thinking - I mean, who would want to invade New Zealand?!? Still, each to their own, eh?

Get ready to pay the price Scallywags!!!!!!!

     Yours in filth,



Within no time...

Within no time the chapter was soundly established, their numbers swelling through the time-tested method getting someone drunk so that when they finally wake, they discover that they are in the service. The Rat Patrol Oz continues to defend the fringes of civilisation from the Scallywag menace.

Chopper I was fabricated specifically as a prop for a gig in the middle of a forest during an 18-hour endurance cross-country bike race (WTF?!?!)... that was the beginning of the end for the god-fearing Scallywag menace!!!


The rest is now thankfully skank history...

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