Theory has it that Rat Patrol has a long and glorious history,
which can be traced back to Adolph's
Rat Brigade, of the late 19th century... that's right, around
1880. Yes, that is quite a while ago. The 'movement' seems to be
a reaction at that time to the increasing dominance of the modern-style
"safety" bicycle. Some of the earliest members of the
club are profiled on the RPBC Speculative
History page, and even features Johnny Payphone's great-great-great
grandfather, Fletcher "Jaunty" Payphone. He does rather
look the part too — what a cad!
In March 2005, Rat Patrol's agressive international recruitment
was directed at the continent of Australia and surrounding islands,
sculls were reported to be making raids upon New Zealand. Disturbing
reports from the bush included terrifying accounts of tallbike fire
jousting between 'Wags and local press gangs (see right). Efforts
were made immediately to quash this threat by establishing a base
on the mainland, using 'volunteers' from the local penal colony.
Two months later, Rat Patrol HQ received this encouraging correspondence
sure the message has past to you via the troglodytes that a new
infestation is in it's infancy in the penal colony of Oz. And
if current trend data is anything to go by, the infestation should
be reaching plague proportions in no time.
swift rate of spread can be attributed to an incredibly infectious
strain of rat bikes beginning to emerge in the Canberra region
and their propensity to intrigue and bemuse bystanders. Bystanders
seem unable to resist riding bikes when offered or when they can
no longer resist asking for a ride, and once initial contact has
been made, infection rates are in the magnitude of 97%.
from the automobile, there are no other natural predators to rat
bikes in these parts, a phenomenon common to introduced species
in Australia. One only has to look at the success of other introduced
species such as the common fluffy breedaholic rabbit; the prickly
pear; the cunning mangy red fox; the beer swilling, gun toting,
redneck; and of course the beautifully grotesque cane toad, to
see the potential a rat infestation could have in this country.
half-licked icing on the discarded slice of cake found in the
parliamentary dumpster is that this infestation has propagated
itself in the midst of our nation's capital. One theory is that
the strain of rats have been feeding on the inordinate amounts
of waste (some definitely radioactive, and all of it definitely
stinky) emanating from our halls of parliament. This
endless supply of freaky trash has given rise to a form of super
rat, that some predict will swarm upon parliament and sign the
Kyoto protocol on behalf of our inept politicians, and probably
eat their carcasses while they're at it. This will serve to eliminate
the rat's only real predator, the automobile, and then the rat
(avec rat bike), will surely take it's place alongside other notorious
infestors such as the cane toad.
Scallywags will be sorry they even considered an incursion onto
Antipodean soil. Don't know what they were thinking - I mean,
who would want to invade New Zealand?!? Still, each to their own,
ready to pay the price Scallywags!!!!!!!
Yours in filth,
Within no time...
Within no time the chapter was soundly established, their numbers
swelling through the time-tested method getting someone drunk so
that when they finally wake, they discover that they are in the
service. The Rat Patrol Oz continues to defend the fringes of civilisation
from the Scallywag menace.
Chopper I was fabricated specifically as
a prop for a gig in the middle of a forest during an 18-hour endurance
cross-country bike race (WTF?!?!)... that was the beginning of the
end for the god-fearing Scallywag menace!!!
The rest is now thankfully skank history...