Barnsey, Farnsey, shattered dreams and sideshow screams — the birth of Shirley Schlongtime Fun Faktory

Duty calls...

Duty called on this hot summers night. The Rats were on a mission, a mission from God, or at least the Canby Government, to create some awesome signs describing Canberra for Canbys big 100 Birthday celebration in March. The Rats are the guests of honor at said event and it was our task to come up with some awesome signs, describing our beloved home town of Canby, with a Rat Patrol twist. Or.was it describing Rat Patrol, with a Canberran disguise?! It was an awesome turn out with some 13 Rats and 3 louse in the ranks.

Little did we know, this ride had a much bigger mission in store. The naming of one of our oldest unofficial members, a louse that has been riding on our backs for some six years without building a bike. FKA Katherine; a lady of leisure, a lady of the night, known for her classy vintage fashion, whitty antics and love of Rat Rides.

A first for Rat Patrol, by unanimous vote it was decided that freak Bike or not, this louse could no longer get away enjoying Rat Patrol antics without having to withstand a grueling process of a naming ride and initiation. The fear of a name had stopped her from building all these year. Now our cunning plan.if she already has a name, there’s nothing left to stop her from building a bike. Farken eh G’areth!

The Rats fuelled up with some sangria and tacos at Honkey Tonks, preparing for a night of mischief and mayhem. FKA Katherine had already supplied much fuel for the naming fire.

With a quick pitstop to collect supplies.a bottle of holy water, suicide wings and a pen for writing down our all important signs the Rats headed to Regatta Point for a safety stop. Holy water fuelled, a hilarious poem for the Centenary flags was composed. The rats then decided to head over to the Australia Day concert for their private meeting with Barnsey. Sadly upon arrival, we were informed that Barnsey had already been picked up in his private chopper. Natural altrision had started, loosing a few rats on our way. Word is that Brandi AKA Random Man had superhero duties calling and Loose Brown and his partner in crime Socket G’areth had to race home in time for the Prime Possum.

With the holy water supplies running low, the Rats headed back over the bridge towards the Phoenix. Fuelled on Love and adrenaline, Fozzie Fly Lie and Darf Bender sped past the rest of the rats who appeared to be having a “rest” atop of Commonwealth Ave Bridge. Enroute to the Phoenix, they discovered an all too enticing Rat Playground - side show rides including the giant slide of death and the mini spinning teacups of doom. These rides had obviously been set up for the Rats, as there was no fencing, and no security guard. Wondering where the other rats were.Darf Bender sent a rat telegram and found out that Captain Colostomy had suffered a massive blow out after a collision with Bloody Mary.not pretty sight. When the rest of the rats finally caught up to Fozzie and Darf, they were in fits of hysterical laughter, wedged together inside a tiny spinning teacup. After time of play (with helmets of course.safety first, safety second, safety last.), the rats realized they were missing a vital member, FKA Katherine was missing in action. With her keenness to reach her favourite Friday night destination, FKA Katherine had sped ahead to get a good seat at the Phoenix. The time without FKA Katherine did provide naming discussion time, and also birthed FKA Katherines theme song.”Everybody Dance Now dun, dun dun dun dun” by C and C Fun Factory.

After another Mechanical, the Cap’ains bike had to be stored in a safe location and he had to continue on by foot. Antics at the Phoenix included John Farnham ballads, tabletop dancing and an incident with an unsuccessfully smuggled beer and broken glass.resulting in an unnamed rat hiding behind a pole and getting the evil eye from the security guard.

Following Pizza, Kababs and a singalong with the corner busker to Brown eyed girl, the Rats decided it was time to flee the city, for the greener pastures of Schloopys classy City apartment rooftop garden. The rats attracted the usual late night Civic attention with Darf Bender taking assuming her alter ego of street model for a bunch of punk kids who wanted to pose with her and her super cool bike. Really.who wouldn’t want a photo with her?!? Fozzie Fly Lie also got layed by a 12 year old Frenchman in East Row. No shame there.

Onwards and upwards, the rats headed to Scloopys pad, only to find in the courtyard a giant Eagle Sculpture. We will not confirm or deny claims of several holy water fuelled rats climbing said sculpture. That would be completely irresponsible and dangerous.

It was time to wind down, with the Rats taking a more serious turn, reminiscing about the Canberra bush fires. The Captain shared his experiences from the Canberra bushfires to finish off the night before a very very long ride home.

Nice one, Shirley Schlongtime Fun Faktory!