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< t i t l e > S t . R a t r i c k ' s D a y 2 0 0 5 : TV Smash < / t i t l e >
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< I M G h e i g h t = " 3 5 " w i d t h = " 2 1 2 " s r c = " S t R a t r i c k s . g i f " b o r d e r = " 0 " a l t = " S t . R a t r i c k ' s D a y " >
< h 1 > St. Ratrick's Day 2005: TV Smash< / h 1 >
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This is the TV Smashing Machine. It exists solely to smash televisions, although it is quite adept at smashing other things. It's basically a trebuchet that fires downwards. The power is delivered by garage-door springs. It's loaded by a boat winch. The spike is made from 2" bolt stock. The trigger is a quick-release link from a sailing supply store.
One of the problems with such a device is that even the thickest of cops can tell that it can be used for naught but trouble. We didn't know anyone with a yard to use it in, so we decided to make a trailer out of it in order to keep our operation mobile and thus harder to detect.
Silken and I put wheels on it and we all cruised around a bit, looking for a good place to smash TVs.
First we went over to the Human Television Network. "Bring us your dead TVs!" we screamed, "We know you have dead TVs in there!" We Rats find working TVs all the time... but we need dead ones to smash. The HTN needs working TVs, but is always killing them by riding around on wet days. It's a very natural symbiosis.
So we cruised around a bit, looking for a good place to smash TVs... strangely, we passed a firehouse and they begged us to come into their lot and smash a TV for them. Who are we to argue with the authorities?
We crewed the machine like it was a piece of artillery. There was a triggerman, a loader, a broom, and a shovel. The boom is cranked back until it's about at the level of Silken's hand. The trigger line trails off to the right. Everybody gets out of the path of the machine, and then the trigger is pulled....
SMASH!
The sweet spot is right on top of the TV... since the spike travels in an arc, this will cause it to bust through the screen from the inside. Very satisfying.
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